"Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Matter"
US title: "Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers"
by Dr. Gordon Neufeld
Knopf Canada,
January 2004
Ballantine Books,
April 2005
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About 14 years ago, when we were just starting out on the journey of parenthood, my wife and I attended a talk by a local developmental psychologist on one of the challenges inherent in the role. That chance encounter started us on a course of learning that had more effect on the raising of our children than any other influence. Dr. Gordon Neufeld quickly became our most used resource in our developmental journey as parents. Over the years, we profited greatly by attending his seminars on everything from the "terrible twos" to teenage bullying. We considered ourselves fortunate to be able to ask his advice whenever a particularly troublesome issue overtaxed our competency. But it was the day we were introduced to the subject of this book that I remember best, for Dr. Neufeld's clear, reasoned and moving arguments led us to a complete turn-around in our attitudes towards peer orientation. Like many parents of our "baby-boomer" generation, we had unconsciously absorbed the view that the more time our children spent with their peers, the better it would be for them. Gordon Neufeld convinced us otherwise, and altered the way we related to our two young sons from that day forward. We made a conscious decision to "hold on to our kids", a decision which has influenced the course of our family's evolution more than any other. Along with others of his devoted local audience, we have referred friends and acquaintances to his presentations. But we have been frustrated by the lack of any written material from Dr. Neufeld. Until now. This book, devoted squarely to the peer orientation issue which had such an impact on us, is an exciting event. It will expose a much wider audience to these powerful ideas. We are waiting eagerly to send copies of "Hold on to Your Kids" to friends in other cities. We don't think they will be disappointed. As the book was taking shape, I was honored to participate in a small focus group of local parents and teachers who were reviewing and commenting on some of the chapters as they were being written. Once again I relived the feeling of excitement I had experienced when I first heard Dr. Neufeld's talk on the subject. Not only will this book be invaluable to a generation of parents, but it will also have the power to alter the culture itself. While this book can be read and absorbed by thoughtful parents and educators, it also contains sufficient depth to engage professional psychologists and cultural commentators. One group that will find it of particular interest is the homeschooling community. Dr. Neufeld has become a bit of a "folk hero" to local homeschoolers; he appears frequently as a keynote speaker at homeschooling conventions. One reason may be that he has provided homeschoolers with the theory and research to back up their own observations: that their children don't suffer but rather thrive from reduced exposure to their peers. They have seen some of the positive effects of holding on to their kids. Read the introduction on Dr. Neufeld's web site, and then pick up a copy, or order the book from Chapters (Canada) or Amazon.ca. Or you can order the US edition from Amazon or Barnes & Noble. The book can also be ordered directly from Amazon.co.uk. Dedicated to the memory of my father, Oswald Karl Miniato, who understood this before I did. |